Cancer as a Gateway

• 
• You're not alone. The whole world is grieving. We, as human beings, will all experience loss and grief. This is our connection, the truth that what we have is impermanent: our joys, our relationships, our health, our very life.  The good news is that our suffering and pain will not last forever either.
• How do we allow expression for our grief? Everyone grieves differently. There is no right way. Grief is a process that does not follow a linear path. There are no specific stages that happen in any particular order. It is more like a spiral. You are first impacted by your loss, in shock, overwhelmed, disorganized, and then move through various emotions, behaviors, thoughts, as you begin to process and integrate what's happened. Then one moment, it can feel as if the loss suddenly happened, and you are feeling disorganized, confused, and overwhelmed all over again. Often we feel we have lost our ground, that we are crazy and will never heal. But the truth is that in your process you are moving up on that spiral of grief, ready to meet a deeper aspect of your loss at a higher level. The ups and downs can be so disconcerting that we can only feel fear related to grief. Then we struggle to maintain some sort of control, cutting off the natural process. Society does not help much in its push for us to get over the loss yesterday. We live in a culture that wants quick fixes and is intolerant of imperfection, of aging, of the truth of our own mortality. It is essential to seek guidance and support from people, groups, professionals that can support the health of your grief process.
• Your grieving is normal. You may be falling apart, angry, not feeling a thing. You may want to be alone, among others, find yourself organizing your belongings, or sitting in a pile of unopened mail, dirty dishes, and can't find a clean shirt. What is essential, is that you find a way for expression. Healing comes from movement. E-motions, the energy of our feelings are meant to move. To stagnate is to invite in illness. Movement comes in many forms: talking, crying, conscious breathing, actual exercise, writing, "being" with what is, as it is, without pushing away, painting, dancing, dreaming, ritual.................depending on who you are, and what your habits are related to your emotions, will then determine what you are needing to find balance. To offer to your system and process the particular support which will allow for your personal relationship to your loss to integrate within your life's understanding.
• Most important, is finding support, both internal and external support. To be with one person who will listen and be with you, without trying to fix, or forcing tissues at you before you even cry. Grief sometimes feels like you are about to fall into a deep dark abyss with no land line, no way to stop it, or ever come out again. The real truth is that feeling this loss deeply with contact and connection and support and guidance, you find strength, tenderness, dignity, compassion, and you somehow rise out of the ashes. copyright 2006 present-centered psychotherapy